Short Advice On How to Live a Happy Life And Remove Sorrow And Sadness From Your Life
By Abu Khadeejah Abdul-Wāhid
In the name of Allah, Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy.
There is no doubt that happiness is sought by each and every person from every walk of life, whether he be a Muslim or a non-Muslim. Yet, defining happiness and what brings about happiness is an important question in itself.
Some people look for happiness in accumulating more and more wealth and possessions, hoping it will bring them contentment and joy. For others, it is indulging in frivolous [often sinful and destructive] behaviour such as listening to music, watching movies, viewing pornography, engaging in homosexuality, and fornication – activities that corrupt the soul and distract them from the real issues and problems in their lives. These people are headed for a terrible end because the underlying problems in their lives do not away by pretending they don’t exist or forgetting about them through these vices.
Many people, including many Muslims, go through life without purpose and they live in constant anxiety over what is to come, or in grief over what has passed. It is a truly sad existence because they seek worldly pleasures hoping they will find relief, salvation, contentment, comfort and happiness, but as the wise poet said: “You seek salvation but do not tread its path—indeed ships do not sail on dry land.” And that is why so much of mankind are in loss – and we ask Allah to guide us and them.
How then is true contentment and comfort of the heart and soul achieved? Allah (the Most High) is the Creator of all things, and He has not left mankind aimless, without purpose and the means to attain true contentment. Our Lord who created us knows us better than we know us better than we know ourselves — He knows what is good for us and what will bring about our wellbeing and security — and He knows what is bad for us and detrimental to our wellbeing. And He has taught us all of that through Revelation. He (the Most High) stated:
قُلْ بِفَضْلِ ٱللَّهِ وَبِرَحْمَتِهِۦ فَبِذَٰلِكَ فَلْيَفْرَحُوا هُوَ خَيْرٌ مِّمَّا يَجْمَعُونَ ٥٨
“Say: ‘In the Bounty of Allāh, and in His Mercy (this Revelation), therein let them rejoice.’ That is better than the wealth they amass.” (Yūnus 10:58)
The state of contentment, tranquillity and having peace of mind and happiness — and doing away with anxiety and depression, are goals that we should actively seek in a manner that is pleasing to our Lord — otherwise, we will not truly attain what we desire.
Attaining these goals will lead to our happiness, a good life and a good end. Reaching them is built on three main affairs: The first and most important is religious, and this entails knowing the Lord and what He wants for us and from us —so He (the Most High) wants for us ease and success, and He wants from us worship and obedience. Secondly, the disposition of a person: and that refers to one’s attitude and character, his positivity and having good thoughts about his Lord. Abu Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) as saying:
يَقُولُ اللَّهُ سُبْحَانَهُ أَنَا عِنْدَ ظَنِّ عَبْدِي بِي وَأَنَا مَعَهُ حِينَ يَذْكُرُنِي فَإِنْ ذَكَرَنِي فِي نَفْسِهِ ذَكَرْتُهُ فِي نَفْسِي وَإِنْ ذَكَرَنِي فِي مَلإٍ ذَكَرْتُهُ فِي مَلإٍ خَيْرٍ مِنْهُمْ وَإِنِ اقْتَرَبَ إِلَىَّ شِبْرًا اقْتَرَبْتُ إِلَيْهِ ذِرَاعًا وَإِنْ أَتَانِي يَمْشِي أَتَيْتُهُ هَرْوَلَةً
“Allah says, ‘I am as My slave thinks I am, and I am with him when he mentions Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me by a hand-span length, I draw near to him a forearm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him in racing.’” (Ibn Mājah in his Sunan, no. 3822, saheeh)
When revelation first came to the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam), he came to Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid (Allah be pleased with her) in fear, saying: “Cover me! Cover me!” So, his wife covered him till his fear was over and after that, he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something [awful] may happen to me.” Khadeejah replied, “Never, by Allah! Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, you serve your guests with generosity and assist the weak and afflicted.” Khadeejah then accompanied him to her cousin Waraqah Ibn Nawfal (may Allah be pleased with him). (Al-Bukhārī, no. 3)
The third affair refers to practical measures a person should take that will lead him to attain these goals of contentment and happiness in himself. And this requires prioritising what is important and truly relevant, and what is lesser than that. So the greatest of all priorities is to do that which pleases our Lord – and to seek avenues of nearness to Him through worship, obedience, acts of piety, generosity, kindness, and good character which entails, in essence, following the Sunnah — and avoiding that which displeases and angers our Lord from disobedience, sins, avarice, jealousy, pride, vanity, greed and so on.
And none of these measures are possible to achieve except for one who has believed and submitted to the Will of Allāh, the Lord of all creation. So, let us mention some steps and means that will lead a person to attain happiness and contentment of the soul, which will cause him to feel that he has attained the greatest treasures of the world, even if he is poor and without wealth just as the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:
مَنْ أَصْبَحَ مِنْكُمْ آمِنًا فِي سِرْبِهِ مُعَافًى فِي جَسَدِهِ عِنْدَهُ قُوتُ يَوْمِهِ فَكَأَنَّمَا حِيزَتْ لَهُ الدُّنْيَا
“Whoever among you wakes up in the morning secure in his home, healthy in his body, having his food for the day, then it is as if the treasures of the world have been gathered for him.” (At-Tirmidhī, no. 2346, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, no. 300, hasan)
Look at the attitude of this believer who is content and joyous at the bounty of Allāh, looking at the good that Allāh has given, and content with what we would consider today as the simple things in life, that we take for granted — yet this believer sees that the treasures of the world have been gathered for him because he is safe, healthy and fed!
The First Step
The first step and the greatest of all means that will lead to happiness and tranquillity in the heart and contentment is: having correct and firm belief (imān) and performing righteous deeds, beginning with the obligations. And this is the root and foundation of happiness. Allah (the Mighty and Majestic) stated:
مَنْ عَمِلَ صَـٰلِحًا مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَىٰ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌ فَلَنُحْيِيَنَّهُۥ حَيَوٰةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَ ٩٧
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he is a true believer, verily to him, We will give a good life (honour, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall certainly give them a reward according to the best of what they used to do.” (Al-Nahl 16:97)
The reason for this good life is clear: Whoever believes truly and sincerely in Allāh and worships Him alone – his belief (‘aqeedah) is established from the Qur’ān and Sunnah, and that which the Companions of the Prophet (may Allah be pleased with them) were upon – then, no doubt, this will rectify the hearts, the character and manners (akhlāq), and will bring about goodness in the life of this world and the Hereafter.
One can argue (as non-Muslims often do) that there are elements in this world not connected to belief that can bring happiness and contentment, and they make mention of wealth, children, family, good job, etc. Though it is true that people can feel a sense of happiness and well-being in these things. However, it is only limited to this world, and it is not deep and meaningful contentment, because when these worldly joys are lost through death, divorce and poverty, these same people feel their whole world has fallen apart – they enter into depression, constant sorrow and grief — many even desire and seek out death—whereas belief in Allah, His Revelation, the Last Day and the Divine Decree guides people to all that is good, and not limited to this world alone. It teaches them how to deal with happiness and joy, and how to seek the blessings and bounties of Allah, so that they are constantly grateful to Him, and in praise of Him through worship and remembrance.
This in turn allows them to cope in times of trials, loss and affliction that bring about anxiety (qaliq), sorrow (hamm) and grief (huzn). By embracing certain belief, they are content (riḍā). And even when the painful Decrees of Allāh afflict them, they are patient, and they know they are tests from the Lord of all creation to measure who is best in deeds.
So īmān and righteous deeds that build and strengthen īmān bring about good thoughts about Allāh just as Khadeejah (Allah be pleased with her) said to the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam): “Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with kith and kin, you help the poor and destitute, you serve your guests with generosity and assist the weak and afflicted.”
Indeed, the believer sees every blessing and affliction as being good for him, and that is the difference between the one who finds a level of contentment without belief in Allah (due to worldly pleasures) and the believer in Allāh and the Last Day, who finds contentment in whatever comes to him of goodness or affliction, just as Allah’s Messenger (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) stated:
عَجَبًا لأَمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ إِنَّ أَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ خَيْرٌ وَلَيْسَ ذَاكَ لأَحَدٍ إِلاَّ لِلْمُؤْمِنِ إِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ وَإِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ
“How wonderful is the affair of the believer. All of his affairs are good, and that does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good happens to him, he shows gratitude and that is good for him. And if something bad befalls him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Muslim, no. 2999)
So this contentment is not found except by submission to Allah with Islam. Responding in this positive way to whatever comes to a person brings about delight, recognition of Allah’s blessings and a strong sense of hope (rajā’) in His reward. This simultaneously increases the accumulation of goodness and bounties far beyond what they have already gained. And all praise is due to Allāh.
So remember Allah (the Most High) much in times of ease and prosperity, and in times of hardship, seek Allah’s aid through Prayer and patience, just as He (the Most High) said:
فَٱذْكُرُونِىٓ أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَٱشْكُرُوا لِى وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ ١٥٢
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا ٱسْتَعِينُوا بِٱلصَّبْرِ وَٱلصَّلَوٰةِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ ١٥٣
“So, remember Me, I will remember you, and be grateful to Me and never be ungrateful. O you who believe! Seek help in patience and the Ṣalāh. Truly! Allāh is with the patient.” (Al-Baqarah 2:152-153)
And, from the ways of eliminating worry, grief and anxiety is being gracious, merciful and kind towards the creation by words and good deeds. All of these are virtuous and excellent in the sight of Allah, and through these acts of piety, Allah removes worries and anxieties from the people, whether the person is good or bad — each one is given alleviation according to the goodness he shows to the creation. However, the portion of relief to the strong believer is more complete and perfect – and the strong believer also excels due to the fact that his goodness comes from his sincerity to Allah and seeking his reward.
The Second Step
Our scholars have mentioned that from the means of warding off sadness, sorrow and anxiety of the heart is to busy oneself with activities that are permissible and rewardable because that will distract the heart from worrying thoughts. The pursuit of knowledge and serving those in need may cause one to forget their sadness as they immerse themselves in righteous or permissible things that preoccupy them.
When a person busies himself with activities, it may make him happy for longer and longer periods until he finds contentment in the heart. Perhaps a person will forget the reasons he was feeling sad and depressed, and he may find joy in his soul – so he will increase in his efforts. This is a matter that is shared between believers and unbelievers. However, a believer in Allah is distinguished because of his faith, his sincerity and his anticipation of reward from Allah due to his occupying himself with knowledge, acting upon it, and calling others to righteousness. So, when his preoccupation is with worship that Allah has legislated, then it is accepted by Allah as worship. And if he busies himself with worldly matters or customs [that do not conflict with the Law of Allah] and he performs them with a sincere intention and desires by way of them, reward from Allah – then feelings of sorrow, depression and anxiety are removed from his heart.
We have seen people with deep sadness, grief, anxiety, and even depression to the point they have become ill due to their mental preoccupation with calamities. So, when they are encouraged to become active and apply themselves, it helps take their thoughts away from their afflictions, and over time, the suffering eases and is replaced with contentment and comfort in the soul.
Additionally, the more beneficial the actions are in fulfilling the rights of Allah, showing Him obedience, following the example of the Messenger (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam), carrying out the rights of the creation and helping the needy, the more the one’s soul desires and yearns to increase in doing good deeds – and, by Allah’s permission, the afflicted person feels the burdens of grief, sorrow and lethargy lifting from his soul, and his mind sees clearly the purpose of his existence in this world – and that is the worship of Allah, servitude to Him, taking the Prophet as the example to be followed, and helping the creation as much as he can. A believer in Allah and the Last Day does not stop striving – even with small steps that become many over time. He does not despair or feel helpless because that is not the attitude of a believer. He has good thoughts of Allah always, that Allah will aid Him, and so He trusts in Him. He knows that whatever happens to a believer is good for him.
Abu Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:
الْمُؤْمِنُ الْقَوِيُّ خَيْرٌ وَأَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِ الضَّعِيفِ وَفِي كُلٍّ خَيْرٌ احْرِصْ عَلَى مَا يَنْفَعُكَ وَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللَّهِ وَلاَ تَعْجِزْ فَإِنْ أَصَابَكَ شَىْءٌ فَلاَ تَقُلْ لَوْ أَنِّي فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا وَلَكِنْ قُلْ قَدَّرَ اللَّهُ وَمَا شَاءَ فَعَلَ فَإِنَّ لَوْ تَفْتَحُ عَمَلَ الشَّيْطَانِ
“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although in both there is good. Strive for what will benefit you, and seek the help of Allah, and do not just sit back doing nothing! And if something afflicts you do not say, ‘If I had done such-and-such, such then such-and-such would have happened.’ Rather say: ‘This is the decree of Allah, He does what He wills.’ This is because saying ‘if’ opens the door to the acts of Shaitān.” (Ibn Mājah, no. 79, saheeh)
Step Three
Form the greatest of means to achieve expansion of the heart and its comfort, rest and tranquillity is through the abundant remembrance (dhikr) of Allah (the Most High). The remembrance of Allah has a tremendous effect in bringing joy to the heart, closeness to Allah, and relief from suffering and it removes worry (hamm) and sadness (ghamm) from it. Allah (the Most High) said:
ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ ٱلْقُلُوبُ ٢٨
“Those who have believed, and whose hearts find rest and tranquillity in the remembrance of Allāh, verily, in the remembrance of Allāh do the hearts find tranquillity.” (Al-Ra’d 13:28)
Likewise, from the affairs that bring happiness and comfort to the soul is to mention the apparent and hidden bounties and blessings of Allah on oneself. And there is no doubt that recognition of Allah’s blessings, and speaking about them, is from the means by which Allah removes sadness worry. Remembering the favours of Allah encourages the worshipper to be constantly grateful, even if he is in a state of poverty, sickness or is afflicted with calamities.
When he compares the countless and endless bounties that Allah has bestowed upon him with the trials that have befallen him, he recognises that Allah’s favours are far more numerous than the tests and trials. Being thankful and recalling Allah’s favours protects him from frowning and disregarding the good Allah has bestowed upon him. In this, we see the wisdom behind looking at those who are worse off, so that we remain thankful to the Lord of all creation just as the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:
انْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ أَسْفَلَ مِنْكُمْ وَلاَ تَنْظُرُوا إِلَى مَنْ هُوَ فَوْقَكُمْ فَهُوَ أَجْدَرُ أَنْ لاَ تَزْدَرُوا نِعْمَةَ اللَّهِ
“Look at the one who is worse off than you, and do not look at the one who is above you because that will keep you from belittling the favours of Allāh.” (Muslim, no. 2963)
Furthermore, we should know that Allah tests a person according to his belief, the stronger the īmān, the more he will be tried by Allāh until he is purified of his sins, and in the end, he walks the earth free from sin, inshā’-Allāh. Regardless, the believer is reminded that Allāh will not burden him with a test or calamity except that Allah already knows that he can bear it:
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا ٱكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ
“Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for the good which he has earned, and he is punished for the evil which he has earned.” (Al-Baqarah 2:286) So, a believer knows whatever hardship he is faced with, Allah has given him a way out that is halāl and permissible for him, so he does not seek the fleeting pleasures that give short relief followed by more emptiness of the soul, feelings of guilt and sadness! Do not be the cause of your own downfall!
Step Four
Following the Sunnah and reading the Seerah (life of the Prophet) aids a believer in figuring out what he should do in times of grief, calamity, happiness and joy. How did the Prophet (salalllāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) celebrate happy occasions such as ʿEids, weddings or the birth of a child? How did he react to the death of his wife, his uncle, his two daughters, and his sons? How did he respond to rejection, poverty and loss?
Following his example brings understanding and a way to deal with our everyday life experiences. We should all know the way he prayed, remembered Allah, fasted, served his guests, played and lived with his wives and children, the way he made friendships and upon what basis, the cultivation of the youth, his kind treatment of the poor and needy — in this, there is guidance for men and women, young and old, rich and poor, Arab and non-Arab, free and slaves, the disabled and the able-bodied – for every person there is guidance in the example and teachings of the Prophet (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam). There is not a thing that brings a person closer to goodness and Paradise except that he (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) commanded with it and encouraged with it – and there is not an affair that would lead a person to misery and the Hellfire except that he (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam) prohibited and warned us from it.
So, true richness is that which brings richness to the soul:
لَيْسَ الْغِنَى عَنْ كَثْرَةِ الْعَرَضِ وَلَكِنَّ الْغِنَى غِنَى النَّفْسِ
“True richness is not in having many possessions, but rather richness is richness of the soul.” (Al-Bukhārī, no. 6446)
And Allah loves those who follow His Messenger, and take him as the example to be followed:
قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
قُلْ أَطِيعُواْ اللَّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ فإِن تَوَلَّوْاْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْكَافِرِينَ
“Say, [O Muḥammad], ‘If you should love Allāh, then follow me, [so] Allāh will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful.’ Say, ‘Obey Allāh and the Messenger. But if you turn away – then indeed, Allāh does not like the disbelievers.'” (Aali ʿImrān: 31-32)
This is the one who has perfected īmān and lives a happy and content life because he loves for Allah, hates for Allah, gives for Allah’s sake and takes for Allah sake. He raises his children upon the true religion, and cares about the welfare of his family and relatives.
(End)
والحمد لله رب العالمين وصلى الله على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين.
سبحانك اللهم وبحمدك أشهد أن لا إله إلا أنت، أستغفرك وأتوب إليك
Abu Khadeejah Abdul-Wāhid.
Copyright 2024.
Be the first to comment