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Hadeeth 9: The Rights Deserving To A Wife From Her Husband
Narrated from Hakeem Ibn Muʿāwiyah from his father (radiyallāhu anhumā) who said:
يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا حَقُّ زَوْجَةِ أَحَدِنَا عَلَيْهِ
“Messenger of Allah, what is the right of a wife over her husband?” He replied:
أَنْ تُطْعِمَهَا إِذَا طَعِمْتَ وَتَكْسُوَهَا إِذَا اكْتَسَيْتَ – أَوِ اكْتَسَبْتَ – وَلاَ تَضْرِبِ الْوَجْهَ وَلاَ تُقَبِّحْ وَلاَ تَهْجُرْ إِلاَّ فِي الْبَيْتِ
“That you should feed her when you feed yourself, clothe her when you clothe yourself. And do not strike her on the face; and do not revile her, nor boycott her except that you remain in the house.”
(Reported by Abu Dāwud (2143), An-Nasā’ee in Al-Kubrā (11431) and Ibn Mājah (1850). Shaikh Al-Albāni graded the narration hasan-saheeh in his checking of Sunan Abī Dāwūd)
Benefits and lessons:
1. Abu Dawood added a comment saying: Do not say to her قَبَّحَكِ اللَّهُ “May Allah disfigure you, make you ugly”.
2. A man is obligated to care for his wife, and not leave her unattended and unprotected, without food, clothing and shelter. Women are vulnerable and can be exploited by oppressive and ignorant men, so the men who marry them are obligated to care for them as they would do for themselves.
3. A man must provide for his wife, and she is not obligated to provide for him. He is the breadwinner, and goes out to work – the wife or daughters should not be expected to work and provide for the household.
4. If a woman sees that her husband is struggling and finding it hard to meet the financial needs of the home, and so requests her help by adding some of her wealth to his, then if she aids him, it is good, rewardable and praiseworthy, and a great form of sadaqah on her behalf.
5. If a wife upsets her husband and causes him anguish, he should not resort to striking her face or causing her injury and harm. ʿA’ishah (Allah be pleased with her):
مَا ضَرَبَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ خَادِمًا لَهُ وَلَا امْرَأَةً وَلَا ضَرَبَ بِيَدِهِ شَيْئًا
“The Messenger of Allah (salallāhu ʿalaihi wasallam) never struck a servant, nor a woman, and he never struck anyone with his hand.” (Muslim, no. 2328, Ibn Mājah no. 1984)
News reached the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) that some men were beating their wives, Iyās bin ‘Abdullah bin Abu Dhubāb said:
فَطَافَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ طَائِفُ نِسَاءٍ كَثِيرٍ فَلَمَّا أَصْبَحَ قَالَ ” لَقَدْ طَافَ اللَّيْلَةَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ سَبْعُونَ امْرَأَةً كُلُّ امْرَأَةٍ تَشْتَكِي زَوْجَهَا فَلاَ تَجِدُونَ أُولَئِكَ خِيَارَكُمْ
A group of women went to the family of Muhammad (ﷺ), complaining that their husbands had beaten them. So, in the morning of the following day, the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Last night, 70 women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those men are the best of you.” (Ibn Mājah, no. 1985, hasan-saheeh according to Al-Albānī)
ʿAbdullāh bin Zamʿah narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) gave a sermon and admonished the men, saying:
لاَ يَجْلِدُ أَحَدُكُمُ امْرَأَتَهُ جَلْدَ الْعَبْدِ، ثُمَّ يُجَامِعُهَا فِي آخِرِ الْيَوْمِ
“None of you should beat his wife as he beats a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day!” (Al-Bukhāri, no. 5204) In the narration of Ibn Mājah (no. 1983), he said: “How much longer will one of you whip his wife like a slave, then lie with her in bed at the end of the day?!”
And the best example is set by the Messenger (salallāhu ‘alaihi wasallam). The wife should be advised and reminded of her responsibilities along with the proofs and fatāwa of the scholars. And she should advise her husband when he neglects his obligations and duties, again with evidence and fatāwā.
6. If a man experiences from his wife bad manners and disobedience, and she neglects her obligations and domestic duties, he should remind her and admonish her. If that approach does not bring about rectification in her, he may boycott her in bed by not approaching her or touching her affectionately. And he is allowed to boycott her in the home by not speaking to her for a while, but he should not abandon the marital house altogether. If the discord intensifies, Allah has mentioned the importance of arbitration and judges:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَٱبْعَثُوا۟ حَكَمًۭا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِۦ وَحَكَمًۭا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصْلَـٰحًۭا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَآ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًۭا ٣٥
“And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people [to judge between them]. If they both desire reconciliation, Allāh will cause it between them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Knowing and Aware.” (An-Nisā: 35)
When these processes that are in place to rectify between spouses are abandoned, we see families break apart through unnecessary divorce, and children being raised by single mothers and absent fathers.
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